Walk sexy and carry a big purse.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

I'm too old for Cosmo: One woman's story

I've been home from work the past couple days nursing a cold. Much better today, even summoned the energy to whip up a batch of homemade, mashed redskin potatoes that came from a friend's garden.
Yesterday was a different story. Stayed in bed all day with the kind of puny where even your hair feels ill. Now THAT'S sick.
Monday night, realizing the sneezing and itchy throat that had hit wasn't just allergies, I planned for the worst - sick, single woman. When you're married, your spouse can run to the store for juice, chicken soup and Vicks-scented Puffs with lotion. When you're single, you must plan for at least 72 hours of being holed up inside your house, with little or no contact with the outside world, kind of like how the Red Cross recommends preparations for the aftermath of a hurricane or other natural disaster. Hopefully your pantry is stocked and your Netflix movies have arrived.
So Monday night, I bought the soup and Vitamin Water. At the register, I threw in Cosmopolitan and Redbook. Tuesday I was too sick to hold my head up and concentrate on something, such as reading a magazine, for longer than 30 seconds.
But today, on the mend, I thumbed through Cosmo, which I haven't read in years, and realized - not only am I almost out of the 25-34 year old age bracket, I've also aged out of Cosmo!
Apparently "skanks" and "strippers" are words commonly used in Cosmo. The word "sex" appears in four of the nine teases on the cover (including "Sex During Your Period (It's So Worth It)." Yeah, um, no thank you. The articles talk about actors and actresses I've barely heard of. Am I supposed to know who Blake Lively is?
Was I this vacuous in my 20s? I certainly hope not. Which may also correlate with my lack of dating as well....
Redbook is better. More attuned to woman in their 30s. On the back cover is an ad for Vassarette lingerie, showing a beautiful plus-size model. One of the articles is, "What no one ever tells you about marriage." No one EVER tells you how hard marriage is, all the compromise, and willingness to do so, it involves, and how, no matter how hard you try to keep it from happening, you lose part of yourself after you get married.
I still haven't found the perfect women's magazine for voluptuous, fashionable, SMART and childless women, but being too "old" and too fabulous for Cosmo ain't so bad.


  1. Stick to art magazines. They'll inspire you to make your own greatness.

  2. Blake Lively is hot. I can't believe you don't watch Gossip Girl, being that you are a fashionista! NetFlick it at once!

  3. Am I supposed to know who Blake Lively is? LOL Love it. I'm right there with you.